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the devil’s complaint

well it’s been such a long time since you’ve heard from me
yes, I guess that it’s been years
the theologians and the media demigods
wonder if I’ve simply disappeared
but you see I’m on an extended vacation
in fact I’ve kinda retired
the human race is doing my job just fine
in fact now you’re really wired

I hear you’ve been whooping it up pretty good
these last few centuries
seems I can’t leave the house for a moment
without you taking liberties
and in my absence you’ve grown confused
about whom you should blame
and I’ve got to say I’m a little amused
about the way you play this game

cause I still hear my name mentioned
when some atrocity mystifies you
and I’m flattered by the attention
but let’s give credit where credit is due
for you see I am a modest beast
and I’m in awe of what you’ve done
you’ve accomplished things I only dreamed about
and sometimes you did it just for fun

cause baby I was only into parlour tricks
my bark was worse than my bite
and all that talk about Armageddon
I was joking it was all just hype
but you, you took me at my word
you beat me at my own game
and I’m a little pissed off at the fundamentalists
for smearing my good name

no, it wasn’t me in Jonestown
when the folks all drank Kool-Aid
and I wasn’t in Dallas in ‘63
working for the CIA
I wasn’t in Cambodia in the mind of Pol Pot
I didn’t order any killings by El Salvador’s death squads
I didn’t tell you to vote for Reagan
well, maybe the first time but not the second
I’m not behind you’re sexual urges
I wasn’t in Russia for the Stalinist purges
I wasn’t in China for the cultural revolution
I didn’t tell Darwin about evolution
I wasn’t at Auschwitz burning the Jews
I don’t tell children to shoot up their schools
no baby that wasn’t me, that was you


but enough of all that, this idle chit-chat
I’d like to come to the point
cause I didn’t come here just to fill you in
or to see what you’ve done with the joint
no, I’ve come to make a deal, that’s what devil’s do
so please make yourself comfortable
I’ve a proposition for you

you see lately I’ve noticed things
have gotten a little stale
are you tired of your depravity
is there no water in your pail
is it lonely at the top, has your interest fallen off
do you need a lover to inspire you
I can lend my name to your services
I can still show you a trick or two

wait, don’t say no too quickly
don’t sit there acting smug
I wouldn’t be making this offer
if I wasn’t aware of the things you’ve done
I’ve made a study of your resume
I think you’ll find we see things
in much the same way
have your lawyers look over my contract
that won’t bother me
I taught them all they know
so I’m sure that they’ll agree

so please don’t make me ask again
cause you know about my legendary pride
but I’m sure that you are tempted
by the alibi I can provide
cause if we’re going in business together
we could even play the old game
you can do the dirty work
and I will take the blame

so c’mon baby, wha’d’y’a say
let’s finish what we’ve begun
Jesus was just a start
now let’s really have some fun
don’t get squeamish now, don’t be a hypocrite
you were happy to do as you pleased
and blame me for it
I’m in or I’m out, make up your mind
just don’t drag out my name
every time you’re in a bind
you knew what you were doing, now I’ve come to collect
you wanna thank god, it’s me you owe the debt
don’t say you didn’t know, don’t say you were tricked
I’m the devil after all, what the hell did you expect
so c’mon baby let’s party, let’s paint this town bloody red
and save your remorse for later
we’ll talk about it, when you are dead

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