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Just looking for feedback. I think I'll need to redo the vocals but wanted to know if anything else needed correcting. Thanks in advance.

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someone else’s blood

they put him on a cross
he died an ugly death
they decided later on
that he died for us
but this I want to know
seems an awful precedent
why taking someone else’s blood
brings us closer to our god

out in the desert land
an army sent by god
and to fight them a young man
who will die for his al-lah
and this I want to know
fore the stain gets on my hands
how taking someone else’s blood
brings us closer to our god

back in ancient times
upon an altar made of stone
the sacrifice was slain
the gods given what was owed
but this I want to know
how far have we come
when it still takes someone else’s blood
to bring us closer to god’s love
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by scottyo7 on Mon Jul 19, 2021 8:03 pm
There are some nice aspects of the music (the arp).
I'd agree... you should redo the vox.
Try varying them more so the melody isn't so repetitive.
And be sure to use Melodyne... you don't have to make them perfect, just buff them a bit.

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by brent mosher on Tue Jul 20, 2021 5:59 pm
Thanks for listening Scotty. I did a few takes of the vocals over two days and never got one I was happy with. I'll try again and try to incorporate your suggestions.
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by gregghart on Wed Jul 21, 2021 8:07 am
I do agree about the vocals, but overall, this kinda reminds of some older David Bowie.

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by Lokeyfly on Wed Jul 21, 2021 8:08 pm
Very nice Brent! Stirring feel, and excellent lyrics. The vocals break up naturally, and you captured that well. Like kneeling on a stone floor, clothes partly shredded/soiled, like a witness telling others of the incident (is what I'm envisioning, anyway).

Nice vocals. It's sets a mood. I'll always give props for what each songwriter gives in their delivery, and not someone elses own idea of what that should or shouldn't be. It's a very honest and creative song. There's some nice visualization going on that it brings. That my friend is a good thing.
Loved the instrumentation.
Don't change much, if anything at all. It's pretty potent.
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by brent mosher on Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:14 pm
Thanks for the replies James and Gregg.

I'll probably redo the vocals. There's a couple of timing errors that I hear every time I listen and I was a bit uptight when I recorded them. I have an initial scratch vocal that was more relaxed I tried to replicate but couldn't get. The vocal doesn't seem to quite settle into the music as they are now. I'm not a fan of Melodyne as a corrective tool. As a creative tool, yes, but not to doctor vocals. So I won't be using that.

I got the idea for the song skimming through Karen Armstrong's book A History of God.
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by gregghart on Fri Jul 23, 2021 10:54 am
Cool! Definitely don't lose the Bowie vibe though.

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